<
> > My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She
> > asked, 'What's on TV?'
> > I said, 'Dust.'
> >
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ************ ********* ********* ********* ***
> >
> >
> > My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were
> > in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
> > "No," she answered.
> > I then said, "Is
> > that your final answer?"
> > She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
> > So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
> >
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ************ ********* ********* ********* ***
> >
> >
> > Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed
> > the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to
> > the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The
> > wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
> > radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
> >
> > I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
> > bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation,
> > and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
> >
> > My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband
> > is out fishing in that?"
> >
> > And that's how the fight started...
> >
> > ************ ********* ********* ********* ***
> >
> > I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
> > and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes
> > you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah,
> > well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
> >
> > He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY
> > !!!"
> >
> > So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
> >
> > And then the fight started....
> >
> > ************ ********* ********* ********* **
> >
> >
> > My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
> > She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
> > seconds.'
> >
> > I bought her a scale.
> >
> >
> > And then the fight
> > started...
> >
> > ************ ********* ********* ********* ***
> >
> > When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
> > expensive...
> > so, I
> > took her to a gas station.
> >
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ************ ********* ********* ********* ***
> >
> > After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
> > Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license
> >
> > to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my
> > wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have
> > to go home and come back later.
> >
> >
> > The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my
> > curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof
> > enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application
> >
> > When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
> > Social Security office.
> >
> > She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
> > disability, too.'
> >
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ************ ********* ********* ********* ***
> >
> >
> > My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
> > kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
> > nearby table.
> >
> > My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
> >
> > 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
> > drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
> > hasn't been sober since.'
> >
> > 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
> > celebrating that long?'
> >
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ************ ********* ********* ********* ***
> >
> >
> > I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
> > order first.
> > "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
> > He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
> > Nah, she can order for herself."
> >
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ************ ********* ********* ********* ***
> >
> >
> > A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom
> > mirror..
> > She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
> > horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
> > I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
> >
> > The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect..'
> > And then the fight started....
> > My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She
> > asked, 'What's on TV?'
> > I said, 'Dust.'
> >
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ************ ********* ********* ********* ***
> >
> >
> > My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were
> > in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
> > "No," she answered.
> > I then said, "Is
> > that your final answer?"
> > She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
> > So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
> >
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ************ ********* ********* ********* ***
> >
> >
> > Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed
> > the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to
> > the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The
> > wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
> > radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
> >
> > I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
> > bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation,
> > and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
> >
> > My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband
> > is out fishing in that?"
> >
> > And that's how the fight started...
> >
> > ************ ********* ********* ********* ***
> >
> > I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
> > and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes
> > you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah,
> > well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
> >
> > He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY
> > !!!"
> >
> > So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
> >
> > And then the fight started....
> >
> > ************ ********* ********* ********* **
> >
> >
> > My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
> > She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
> > seconds.'
> >
> > I bought her a scale.
> >
> >
> > And then the fight
> > started...
> >
> > ************ ********* ********* ********* ***
> >
> > When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
> > expensive...
> > so, I
> > took her to a gas station.
> >
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ************ ********* ********* ********* ***
> >
> > After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
> > Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license
> >
> > to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my
> > wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have
> > to go home and come back later.
> >
> >
> > The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my
> > curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof
> > enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application
> >
> > When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
> > Social Security office.
> >
> > She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
> > disability, too.'
> >
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ************ ********* ********* ********* ***
> >
> >
> > My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
> > kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
> > nearby table.
> >
> > My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
> >
> > 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
> > drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
> > hasn't been sober since.'
> >
> > 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
> > celebrating that long?'
> >
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ************ ********* ********* ********* ***
> >
> >
> > I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
> > order first.
> > "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
> > He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
> > Nah, she can order for herself."
> >
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ************ ********* ********* ********* ***
> >
> >
> > A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom
> > mirror..
> > She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
> > horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
> > I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
> >
> > The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect..'
> > And then the fight started....