Teachers and Cops
>
> These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in
> the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded
> (but, boy, are these funny!) (Cop ones are after this list.)
>
> 1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has
> started to dig.
>
> 2. I would not allow this student to breed.
>
> 3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
>
> 4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
>
> 5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
> achieve them.
>
> 6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold
> it all together.
>
> 7. This child has been working with glue too much.
>
> 8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
>
> 9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't
> coming.
>
> 10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice
> a week.
>
> 11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat
> out 1,000,000 others.
>
> 12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
>
>
> These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers.
> The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:
>
> 16 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just
> went through.'
>
> 15 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch
> after you wear them a while.'
>
> 14 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate
> a worthless document.'
>
> 13 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'
>
> 12 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the
> speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'
>
> 11 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can
> write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'
>
> 10 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
> will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'
>
> 9 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that
> again or I'll give you another ticket. '
>
> 8 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk
> or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'
>
> 7 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
> ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.'
>
> 6 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
> oven.'
>
> 5 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'
>
> 4 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'
>
> 3 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're
> allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'
>
> 2 'I'm glad to hear that t the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of
> yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'
>
> AND THE WINNER IS....
>
> 1 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we
> don't..
> Sign here.'
>
> These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in
> the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded
> (but, boy, are these funny!) (Cop ones are after this list.)
>
> 1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has
> started to dig.
>
> 2. I would not allow this student to breed.
>
> 3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
>
> 4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
>
> 5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
> achieve them.
>
> 6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold
> it all together.
>
> 7. This child has been working with glue too much.
>
> 8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
>
> 9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't
> coming.
>
> 10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice
> a week.
>
> 11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat
> out 1,000,000 others.
>
> 12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
>
>
> These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers.
> The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:
>
> 16 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just
> went through.'
>
> 15 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch
> after you wear them a while.'
>
> 14 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate
> a worthless document.'
>
> 13 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'
>
> 12 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the
> speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'
>
> 11 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can
> write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'
>
> 10 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
> will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'
>
> 9 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that
> again or I'll give you another ticket. '
>
> 8 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk
> or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'
>
> 7 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
> ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.'
>
> 6 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
> oven.'
>
> 5 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'
>
> 4 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'
>
> 3 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're
> allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'
>
> 2 'I'm glad to hear that t the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of
> yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'
>
> AND THE WINNER IS....
>
> 1 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we
> don't..
> Sign here.'
