AN
ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS
AD
!!
! ! !
To
the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah
night before
last.
Date:
2009-05-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.
I
was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that
you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you
pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend,
threatening our lives. You also asked for my
girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope
that you somehow come across this rather important
message.
First,
I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I
didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants
when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The
evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the
jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought
me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my
birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster
for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that
it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at
your head ... Isn't
it?!
I
know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever
you'd come from with that brown sludge in your
pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking
bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell
phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from
calling or running to your buddies to come help mug
us again].
After
I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her
listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode
of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas
tank as well as those of four other people in the
gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with
the big motor home took 150 gallons and was
extremely
grateful!
I
gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van
Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet.
[That made his
day!]
I
then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp
mobile" that was parked at the curb .... After I
broke the windshield and side window and keyed the
entire driver's side of the
car.
Later,
I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell
phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although
I only used the phone for a little over a day now,
so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to
get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's
office and one to the FBI, while mentioning
President Obama as my possible
target.
The
FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long
chat (I guess while he traced your number
etc.).
In
a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing
you ... But I feel this type of retribution is a far
more appropriate punishment for your threatened
crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through
some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and
can only hope that you have the opportunity to
reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career
path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next
time you might not be so
lucky.Have
a good
day!
Thoughtfully
yours,
Alex
P.S.
Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a
more civil
society!
ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS
AD
!!
! ! !
To
the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah
night before
last.
Date:
2009-05-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.
I
was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that
you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you
pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend,
threatening our lives. You also asked for my
girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope
that you somehow come across this rather important
message.
First,
I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I
didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants
when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The
evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the
jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought
me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my
birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster
for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that
it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at
your head ... Isn't
it?!
I
know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever
you'd come from with that brown sludge in your
pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking
bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell
phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from
calling or running to your buddies to come help mug
us again].
After
I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her
listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode
of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas
tank as well as those of four other people in the
gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with
the big motor home took 150 gallons and was
extremely
grateful!
I
gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van
Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet.
[That made his
day!]
I
then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp
mobile" that was parked at the curb .... After I
broke the windshield and side window and keyed the
entire driver's side of the
car.
Later,
I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell
phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although
I only used the phone for a little over a day now,
so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to
get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's
office and one to the FBI, while mentioning
President Obama as my possible
target.
The
FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long
chat (I guess while he traced your number
etc.).
In
a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing
you ... But I feel this type of retribution is a far
more appropriate punishment for your threatened
crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through
some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and
can only hope that you have the opportunity to
reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career
path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next
time you might not be so
lucky.Have
a good
day!
Thoughtfully
yours,
Alex
P.S.
Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a
more civil
society!